Lots of progress today. Lots. But there has been this one nagging thing. I haven't been able to put my finger on it. This feeling that I didn't belong. I have felt misplaced ever since I moved here. And finally I realized it. The same reason I moved back to Leavenworth after two weeks of being here. I don't belong here. Warner Robins, is not my home*. I'm lost. I always counted on calling wherever the Army sent my little family home. But now that part is gone. And I have moved back here and I feel displaced. Not like when you move to a new place weird, just displaced. Not right. So, what does one do about that? I don't know. ANOTHER question that I don't know the answer too. I have been thinking long and hard and I just am answer-less. Because, when all is said and done, and I have my degree, then what? I'm still gonna be living in Warner Robins. I know this may seem like an odd thing to whoever is reading this. But belonging is a big issue for me. I've felt lost for most of my life, and in the Army I found family and friends. And now, nothing. This is the time for Kimmie. Time for me to ask these weird questions and find some answers. And seeing as how I don't think Jake Gyllenhaal is going to knock on my door anytime soon, I don't know how to even begin answering this question. If I'm making goals, short and long term, doesn't this count as one? A big one I would think. Because this is the rest of my life. I want to feel like I belong. I want to love everything about my life.
*Disclaimer* Mom, you are a wonderful for letting me move back here. and I'm not complaining about living in your house. I just don't feel like I belong here. Call it women's intuition, or a mother's instinct. Love you!
oh i know exactly how you feel! ever since i was a teenager, i never felt like my hometown was my home. it just didn't feel right. i had that itching feeling to just leave. when chris and i got married, i still felt out of place for most of the places we moved to. until it was when we got our own house in georgia. then i realized, wait...it's where *i* am with my family, and MY things that makes me home. i did move back to live with my dad for a year during our first deployment, and even then i did not feel at home. i didn't have any of my stuff and our family was broken. as soon as i got my things back and chris came home i felt at ease again. but then, we moved to kansas and i got that looming feeling yet again. i did not feel 'at home' during our stay there ever. that's why i was always depressed and shut in. i hated it there. :(
ReplyDeletethen we came to hawaii and it feels just right. i would stay here forever if i could. i think there is a place out there for everyone, we just have to find it. out of all the places you have been in your life, which one did you like the most? that could be your home kim. it is very possible! :)