Sunday, July 3, 2011
This weekend, my favorite weekend of the entire year, has been shitty. Learning how to function with Michael as a person and not as my husband sucks. Twice we have been together for festivities this weekend, and twice I've ended up crying myself to sleep. We aren't a family. Well, not the one that I am used to. And I don't know how to act or what to do when I am around him. "I'll never leave you." Words I clung too. He promised me forever. And here I sit, alone, crying by myself. My greatest fear ever, being alone. And I'm facing it head on. I'm crumbling under the pressure and just don't know what to do. How does one get through something like this? Why is it that I take these wonderful steps forwards. And then get shoved 17 steps backwards? This weekend has broken my heart all over again. I thought I was healing, And then he called her. yeah, her. And it feels like the night I found everything out again. I'm suffocating in my sorrow. I have been trying to look for the positive things in my life. And I really do have a wonderful life. But I feel whenever I start to focus on the good things, and moving forward, something negative brings me back down. I feel like one of the lower class people from the Titanic. I'm struggling to stay afloat in the freezing water, clinging to everything I have. And off in the distance is my life and everything I know. Refusing to come back and save me. There is a whole world in front of me, but why am I turned around starring at the one that I no longer have?
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You have to really starting to think you're life is not in the distance it is in the present. He is happy so why can't you be??? Because you are allowing him to control every part of your being. WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT YOU??? You are wasting time.
ReplyDeleteI can remember after I graduated from college my college sweetheart and I were supposed to get married. After 5 years that is what we had planned. Well, I had planned. He broke up with me over the phone 2 days after graduation. Our son was 4. I was depressed for all of two days. We were states apart and I went straight to church and prayed as hard as I could for days. It came to me... We cannot change those who do not want to be changed. You are suffocating yourself. Things could be so much worse. Love is just around the corner. Get a grip of yourself... put your seat belt on and pedal to the metal. LIVE. LAUGH. and when you find the next one... continue to LOVE hard! God is always good... especially when times look dim.
I know I'm not supposed to say it, but FUCK HIM for calling her (or being on the phone with her) in your presence. You are/were his WIFE. Out of respect for your heart, and what you've given him of yourself for all of these years, he needs to not EVEN mention her unless you ask. It is so disrespectful! There are supposed to be unspoken rules about this. He cheated on his family and the life you built together. He tore apart this family. It is just unspeakably hurtful to do or say anything about HER while he is spending time with the children. Too soon, and a hit below the belt if you ask me. Seriously...screw him.
ReplyDeleteThere are good days, and there are bad days; today was a bad one. I am so sorry that you are hurting. :o( I hope he reads this, and knows just how much he's hurt you AND the babies.
Ok first of all what kind of asshole calls his home wrecker girlfriend while spending time with his family?!?! It makes me ill. Kim, you are worth more than you know and you deserve more respect than that. You are an amazing person with a beautiful spirit. I know this is hard. The steps you are taking forward are still adding up. You WILL make it through this. This is Kim time. Don't let his selfishness control how you feel or limit your enjoyment of life. Its your turn. Grab it by the horns and show it who's boss.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, did he get a lobotamy while he was at recruiter school or in Iraq? Its like the body snatchers are for real. WTF? i feel like i dont and/or never did know him. Who is this chick, and is she seriously not only that insecure but that heartless to need contact while hes eith his freaking kids? Im sorry but thid seems surreal to me, so i cant even imagine how it is for you and the kids. Really, Mike? How cliche. GEEZ...pisses me off.
ReplyDeleteok ok ok ok hang on just one second...First off im going to agree with Brooke what an asshole and excuse my french but who the FUCK does he think he is he needs to grow the F up and look around him this is life and you cant just give up and walk away from something specially not a fmaily and then turn and put something else before them I want to kick his ass SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad he deserves to go to hell and I hope he knows thats where he is going no body hurts my Kimmy and No body and I mean no body hurts you and gets away with it I promise you Kimmy he will get his Karma you know My grandmother was married to a man for 13 years and cheated on her several times and then finally left her for one of them and he is still married to her but 30+ years later he found out he had prostate cancer now if thats not Karma idk what is God has plans for EVERYONE
ReplyDeleteoh and if he wants to cry about whats being said about him on your blog he can stop reading it because like I said before he is now a NON FACTOR and what you say and how you feel is none of his damn business anymore
ReplyDeletehe's a dick. period.
ReplyDelete