At Last

At last, I finally feel like I have my stuff together!!
I am moving forward!!
I cannot express how good it feels to be finally able to be happy and to smile.

I know I have made some mistakes this past year. Some pretty bad ones.
But I am finally clear headed and full spirited. I am reaching the happy place that I have been struggling so hard to find.

I feel like the Kool-Aide man busting through the brick wall, heck yea I can do this, and I will!!!

American Honey. I am struggling reaching her. My American Honey. I have been fighting a battle for the last year and a half that has now come to an end. And now I can finally move forward, but where do I go from here?
I am struggling so much with my weight and trying to get it under control, but I am lacking. Motivation is low and I need a swift kick in the ass. I have decided to try a clean lifestyle, but as I am learning more, the harder and more discouraged I get.

 Am I set for a life of dissapointment in myself?

173 pounds, 32% body fat. Enough is Enough.

Lifestyle Change

I am starting anew. Enough whining and lets move on already. I have recently discovered that I have become a fat girl. For shame. So, I have done a lot of research on fitness and eating healthy and I am making a lifestyle change. I love fast food, LOVE IT. But my body does not. I have been having major blood sugar dips and I am just loosing control all together. Something's gotta change and now. So, I am trying to 'eat clean' and just plain take care of myself. Any and all suggestions are welcome because I am on a mission to be able to rock anything that I put on my body! I'll take a 'before' picture and post it. I am being honest now, I am 173 pounds, at 5' 1'', that's not good at all.

So here I go!!

Second Thoughts

There is this man who stand before me. A man who ripped my heart out, a man who turned around and walked away. And now he wants me back. He wants what we once had. My heart and my head both say HELL NO, but something in me is torn. He is my babies daddy, ten years he was my huband. I want to run and tell him better luck with the next girl, but there is something in me that is clining to him. What is it, and why is it?
What am I to do. Everything wants to run. I want to be my own person, want to be Kimmie, and that is it. I don't want to be owned by a man. I love being the kids mom, but I have no desire to be his wife again. So, what is it that gives me second thoughts?
What is it!?

at the crossroads

So, here I stand at a crossroad in my life. This time, I am the one who has to make the decision. I'm no longer the victim, I hold it all in my hands, Do I reunite my family, put smiles on my childrens faces, and Michaels for that matter. Or do I follow my heart and find my own way?

So, I have been thinking a lot about my future. Maybe too much. But, it has to be done. And if you are a first born, you understand then need to KNOW what is going to happen. But I digress.
I have been thinking about what my future holds. Do I really hold everything in my own to hands, or is all of this predetermined by God? I mean, if I decide to do one thing, is it MY choice, or is it the choice that has already been made for me?
ALL that I know, is that I have a man begging me to take him back, three kids who adore the man, and the knowledge that he is the man of my of my dreams. What is it that I am to do with all this information. How am I supposed to respond. What do I do?
Do I even worry about it, or is everything preplanned for my life and I should just, FLOW. As one of the wise-est men I ever knew would say. just FLOW.
Because flowing right now is leading me back into this mans arms.
I'm lost and haven't a clue. I know I love him, but is the hurt worth putting behind me for a lifetime with someone I will love for a lifetime?