A year

It's been a little over a year since my life was flipped upside down. And if you had told me this time last year that I would be here, in this fabulous room with three amazing kids, finishing my first year of Mercer, with parents who support me with no questions asked. I would have cried, taken a shot of tequila and told you that you were crazy!!
But, here I am. Crazier, stronger, wiser and grayer than I was a year ago. This year has been toooouuuuugh! I can't even begin to describe how hard it has been on me. BUT, that was then. And with a new year I want to start anew with my blog. No longer will it be about how hurt I am. But how strong I have become. I will record what my babies are doing, because that is what matters the most in life. I will let everyone know when I begin to let someone close to me again.
I want to share the good parts of my life with you, not just my tragedy. It happened, it hurt but now I am a stronger Kimmie and I can kick anything that comes my way in the ass. So, join me as I continue to grow and find my place in this big world.

Not Your Broken Heart

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next all I know, I couldn’t stop

Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook
I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

Go and fix your make up, girl it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

I wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame

Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face

Go and fix your make up, girl it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let 'em see you cry

Go and fix your make up, well it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart 

This is a  Miranda Lambert song called Mama's Broken Heart.

I know that I have told you all everything, the moment it happens,

but when it comes down to it

this is MY broken heart

MY hurt

My crazy

MY pain. 

And this is something I have yet to deal with.

I've covered it up with anything that I could find to make me feel better.

Tried, like hell, to cover my crazy,

to make me look like a lady!

But, truth is, I'm dying inside and have no idea what my next move is,

turns out, crazy is all I am!!

All that I know, is that I'm healing, and my broken heart isn't going to get the best of me!!

I hope.

I'm on the mend, on the move,

forward. 

Kimmie style!!!!